It’s Saturday morning. He’s still in bed. Granted it’s only 8:09am. (How’s that for jumping the gun?)
The thing is, I’ve been seeing little signs over the last couple of days that things may be heading south.
He’s avoiding being touched. (He flinches if I brush his arm or go to get something out of his hair. His body tenses if I try to hug him.) He’s been irritable. He hasn’t been taking his Chinese herb treatment on the nights that I’m working and can’t prepare it for him. (We used to take turns.)
But his eyes haven’t turned that red rimmed, icy pale blue with the tiny pupils yet. Or the purplish bruised look on the surrounding skin.
And of course there are mitigating factors like the intense heat we’ve been having around here lately and the last minute end of year work stuff.
So he could be just hot and tired.
I’m just going to sit here and drink my cup of tea and watch the sun get higher and higher and maybe try and think of something to do with the day that doesn’t involve waiting. Just in case.
Are there signs that you read like that? That help you predict the emotional weather to come? I’m curious to hear what other people use as markers.
Flo
Here are some of my depressed husband's signs, indications that he's heading downward:
ReplyDelete- Even if he isn't acting"down," if he's still reasonably normal in affect, I know depression is imminent when he becomes increasingly self-centered. When he's not depressed, he's a kind, thoughtful, and empathatic person - so I know his mood is going south when he turns into a sullen teenager, testy and self-centered and completely unaware of (or interested in) the feelings of the people around him.
- He stops shaving and bathing and gets increasingly shabby.
- His smell changes and he sweats more (as a result of hormonal changes going on in his body, due to depression?)
- He starts taking offense at innocent comments, reads digs and criticism into everything I say, even though I'm not a person who ever digs or casually criticizes him. Or else he attempts to pick a fight over trivial things, blowing them way out of proportion. All of which is contrary to his character when he's not falling into depression.
- His eyes go flat and dead. When he smiles, it's an obligatory, dead-eyed, rictus grin.
- He no longer looks me in the eye.
- He no longer says good night or good morning.
- He starts avoiding other people.
- He gets paranoid.
- He starts staying up all night, obsessing about something or other. And then spends increasing amounts of the day time in bed.
I could have written that exact list. It's all so incredibly familiar.
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